I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
