There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
