did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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