Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
