worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I touched a dick in church today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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