i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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