can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
