He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
