this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
