I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
