Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
