Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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