so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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