So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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