P.S. I can't hear my feet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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