If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How's work?
Spinning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize