someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
