did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
