i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
