I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize