We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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