Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
