i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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