I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
