I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
