You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
