Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
