I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
