you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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