I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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