I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize