She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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