I think im going to throw up on grandma
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
