I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
