You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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