it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
