I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
