My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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