I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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