Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Two words: blizzard sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
