If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
