Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
