he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
