You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
