Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
