The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
