I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
