I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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