God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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