new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
