shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
