there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
