He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
