Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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