On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
