Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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