oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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