I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
