Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i believe in u and ur pee
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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