babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just pee around me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize