my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
