When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's never too late to be topless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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