Who did Billy Mays play for?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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