I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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