Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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