Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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