As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
