I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
