Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
