There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
