Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
