this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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