Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
