i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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