I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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