you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
