dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
