thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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