I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
