next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
