There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize