I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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