happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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