i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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