it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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