wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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