Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
