I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
