i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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