i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize