The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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