Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My cat gives me a boner
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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