My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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