True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
