look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize