East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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