Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
