a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
